The Tiny Ass Chair: Guide To Surviving A Boring Desk Job
This post is for those of you who, like us, did not grow up thinking, “Dear God, please let me spend 40 hours a week trapped at a snooze of a desk job where I am under-paid and rarely appreciated.” If you are a fellow office dweller then you probably already know first hand that the curse of working said desk job is EXTREME BOREDOM. When you’re stuck at the office for hours on end and have finished all of your work related tasks, you often find yourself with nothing left to do but twiddle your thumbs as you wait for the clock to strike head-home-time, and you are forced to find creative ways to entertain yourself in order to keep your sanity.
Fernanda and I have been working nights at a desk together in LA for a couple of years now. In those late night hours when the office is quite and we have nothing left to do but wait to be released from our office prison, we’ve managed to come up with some pretty ridiculous ways to pass the time. So for this week's post, I thought I would grace you with some of our more epic wins in office boredom management.
(I just want to state ON THE RECORD for any of our fellow employees or bosses that may be reading this post…of course this ONLY happens after we have done all of our work for the day, and have no other tasks left to fill our time.)
So without further ado, I present you with The Complete Survivors Guide To Working A Boring Ass Desk Job courtesy of the Tiny Ass Chair girls.
#1 Give your co-worker an interesting tattoo.
Of a toilet....
Or a chicken....
Chicken = Toilet
#2 Turn your feet into a puppet.
#3 Play with a random person’s puppy.
Let the puppy do your work for you....
Hand fart at the puppy....
#4 Refuse to answer stupid questions by pressing the much loved NO button.
#5 Give yourself a manicure.
#6 Play the: who was the ugliest baby? game.
Macee (Top) or Fernanda (below)....
And we have a winner....
#7 Make use of Snapchat filters while you eat stupid organic food from Trader Joe's
#8 Register your friends for random online dating sites without their knowledge.
Fernanda's face when she saw the profile I made for a friend on FarmersOnly.com
#9 Obsessively hunt for your co-workers on Bumble cause you know that logistically your GPS is gonna match you with the librarian sitting upstairs.
Until this happens....
And then you know your life is sad...
# 10 Play dress up.
Since Fernanda told me that she would kill me (she may have said "cut" me) if I put a picture of her in a bald cap on the blog.... I graciously decided to cut her off at the eyes, and then change our blog password so she can't delete it. YOU'RE WELCOME!
#11 Look for inspirational quotes that remind you that you won’t always be trapped behind a desk for the rest of your life.
I am a pink starburst damn it!!
Preach on google quotes!
#12 Dance and sing in the lobby.
#13 Make your very own laminated Potato Jesus and carry him with you everywhere you go.
Even to vegas...
For those of you who don't know the glory that it Potato Jesus.....BEHOLD!
#14 Find Potato Jesus in the marble splatter on your wall at work.
And text all of your friends to let them know that you just won at life....
#15 Take a group selfie.
With leftover, deflated balloons from office parties we're not invited to, that Fernanda draws on...
#16 Clean out your wallet and find those tucked away business cards from porn people that you've saved as a precious keepsake. Then prank call them to see what they say....cause you know, your bored!
I have recently discovered that none of my friends have ever been approached by porn people. Guess I just have one of those pornie looking faces, or maybe I should buy longer skirts...
#17 Photoshop Sombreros on yourself and/or crazy ladies into car wheels.
#18 Change the desktop background to a collage of Sam Elliot in a Speedo just to make your co-workers mad.
Get it, Sam....GET IT! :)
#19 Take videos of yourself looking like a little person in the midget window.
#20 Take pictures of unsuspecting co-workers and turn them into movie posters complete with Tag Lines.
#21 Get in your daily calorie burn.
#22 Shoot each other with water guns every time one of you complains.
#23 Hide post-its in random co-workers drawers.
#24 Work on your southern accent.
(Fernanda and Ashleigh's failed attempt at my southern accent.)
#25 And last but not least….. Make epic baby hand videos.
For those of you who don't know the joy that is: the baby hands, let me explain.... These are our BABY HANDS, and yes I painted their nails...
They were purchased by a friend for a music festival, and I've used them so often that sometimes it feels weird to touch things with my own fingers. I suggest you get some, and if you don't play any other videos on our post today, please watch the two below. You won't regret it!
I dedicate this post to those of you lovely ladies and gents out there who started out this journey with me as my co-workers and quickly became my best friends and family. I love you all. Thank you for always being there for me, making my life better, and work days brighter. I hope that I can always do the same for you!